POLITIK

A Baggar Found Rs. 100
He Went To A 5 Star Hotel For Dinner..
Bill Rs. 3000
He was unable to pay..!!
Manager Handed Him To Police..!!
He Gave 100rs To Police & Free..!!

Its Called FINANCIAL MANAGMENT Without MBA

A PROFESIONAL GAMBLER

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."

The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."

The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.

"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.

The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"

"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.

"Like what?" asked the bartender.

"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.

The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.

So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you sc! rewed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.

"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that she! lf behind you without spilling a drop."

The barten! der once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"

The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"

ANEH...

Rs 20 looks such a big amount when u have to give that to poor
But looks small when ur giving it as a tip at a HOTEL

……………………………………………………………………………………………
Praying to god for 3 min looks hard
But 3 hrs of movie is ok for us
……………………………………………………………………………………………….

After a whole day of hardwork , we have no prob to go to the gym
But doing house work and helping mom looks tired
……………………………………………………………………………………………….

We wait for 1 full yr for valentines day
But when do mother’s day come? we never know
……………………………………………………………………………………………….

One couldn’t give a piece of bread to the child in the picture above
But this painting where he looks sad was sold for lakhs of Rs
……………………………………………………………………………………………….

To fwd this msg we will think, but to fwd jokes we never think


VERY STRANGE……………………………

THINK OUT OF THE BOX

INTERVIEWER : IF EARTH STARS ROTATING 30 TIMES FASTER THAN NOW, WHAT WILL HAPPEN?

CANDIDATE : WE WILL GET SALARY DAILY

SO THINK DIFFERENT

WARNING!!

GIRL :- I M WARNING U, MY MOM IS COMING IN HALF AN HOUR.
BOY:- BUT I M NOT DOING ANYTHING.
GIRL:- THAT IS WHY I M WARNING U, HURRY UP

Answers Of A Brilliant Student Who Obtained 0 Percent

Q: In Which Battle Did Napolean Died?

A: His Last Battle.


Q: Where Was The Declaration Of Independence Signed?

A: At The Bottom Of The Page.



Q: River Ravi Flows In Which State?

A: Liquid.



Q: What's The Main Reason For Divorce?

A: Marriage.



Q: What's The Main Reason For Failure?

A: Exams.



Did That Student Answer Anything Wrong?

Letter from HR to his girlfriend

Have you ever wondered how a HR Manager can write a love letter to

his girl friend.





Look at this ....





To,





Juliet Grade 7.0 S.M





Sub: Offer of love!





Dearest Ms Juliet,





I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as prospective lover.





Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months

and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.





The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially

be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger! share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.





I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this

letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further

notice and I shall be considering someone else.





I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister,

if you do not wish to take up this offer.





Wish you all the best!!!!





Thanking you in anticipation,





Regards,

XYZ

JUST FOR FUN

Santa-Oye!what R U doing?
Banta-Recording this babys voice.
Santa-Why?
Banta- When he grows up, I shall ask him what he meant by this

Wife: I hate the beggar who came yesterday!
Husband: Why??
Wife: I gave him food yesterday & today he gifted me a book "How to Cook"!!


A man calls his wife through an !dea mobile.
But the call goes to another woman.
They loved & got married.
Moral: an !dea can change ur wife


Wht is similarity between Bill gates n me?
Don't know??
He never comes 2 my house and I never go 2 his house
EGO PROBLEMS U KNOW...



A lawyer sent an overdue bill to a client with a note "This Bill is one year old"
He got his bill back with a note that read"Happy Birthday!"



Santa went to temple & saw people puting coin in box & praying
Santa: Wow! How amazing. People are talking to God through coin phone without receiver


Bin Laden's son was studying in an American school.
Teacher asked him, " I have 4 apples, how can I share it among 5 children"
He answerd, "KILL ONE"

REALITY

Whenever you find the key to success, someone changes the lock.


To Err is human, but to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.


The road to success??.. Is always under construction.


Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.


In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you have ability to repay back.


All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening.


Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.


Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.


If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.


You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.


Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.


42.7% of all statistics is made on the spot.


As soon as you mention something?? If it is good, it is taken?. If it is bad, it happens.


He who has the gold, makes the rules
Murphy's golden rule.


If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? The bus is still late.


Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.


When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.


If you have paper, you don't have a pen. If you have a pen, you don't have paper. If you have both, no one calls.


Especially for engg. Students : If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.


You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.


The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.


After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.


If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.


Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker


Before borrowing money from a friend, decide whether you need more.


There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.


An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.


Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.


Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.


When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.


Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.


Well done is better than well said .


Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.


Where there is a WILL, there is a WAY, Where there is MONEY, there are many WAYS.


Where there is MONEY, there are many FRIENDS and RELATIVES.


Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

I just love hearing it

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead:
"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.
"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."


The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:
"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

he replied laughing, "Coz . . ." "I just love hearing it. . . ."

WHY WORRY

Why Worry?
There are only two things in life to worry about:


Whether you are well
or whether you are sick.
If you are well,

then there is nothing to worry about.

But if you are sick,

there are only two things to worry about:

Whether you are going to get well


or whether you are going to die.


If you get well,


then there is nothing to worry about.

But if you die,


there are only two things to worry about:
Whether you are going to go to heaven
or whether you are going to go to hell.
If you go to heaven,

then you have nothing to worry about.

But if you go to hell,


you'll be so busy shaking hands with all your friends,

that you won't have time to worry! So,

Why Worry?

Be Happy

DEFINITIONS

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through 'the minds of either'

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise after death
Destiny is simply the strength of ur desires. If u cry at a trouble, it grows double. If u laugh at a trouble, it disappears like a bubble! Have a Great Day!

A PRAYER FOR DADDY

"Dear God,
this year please send
clothes
for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer,
Amen."

Fairies are Women

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, Romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving
to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.'

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again...

I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me..' The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!.. The husband became 92 years old!!!

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful should remember fairies are females

SEND THIS TO A WOMAN WHO NEEDS A GOOD LAUGH .... AND TO ANY MAN WHO CAN HANDLE IT

MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE &FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'

************ ********* *********
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.


FEMALE PROCEDURE:
What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth!

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine...
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt..
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.


Enjoy ur day !!!!!!!!!!!!